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#depression

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Arizona Skies

𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 “𝙅𝙖𝙣𝙪𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙂𝙪𝙣𝙠.”

I had been riding high from the holidays with everyone home and the excitement of following our big kids around the country as we watched my daughter’s college team win game after game—until they didn’t. They made it all the way to the National Championship, but it was another team’s day to win it all.

Fiesta Bowl 2022

Georgia deserves a big congratulations, but this isn’t about football.

This is about feeling stuck with no apparent good reason why. When you’re muddling in the muck, but you can’t quite put your finger on the cause. When you don’t even recall how it started.

When you’re feeling unmotivated and lethargic, and you know you “should” snap out of it, but you can’t see a way out.

𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙮?

When it’s dark and it’s cold outside—day after day after day.

So you try to do all-the-things: (𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘴 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.)
▪️Keep a daily journal of everything we are grateful for
▪️Stick to a routine
▪️Get outside in the sunshine…(if we can find it.)
▪️Eat healthier
▪️Exercise for at least 20 minutes a day
𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙡𝙡, 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜. 𝘼𝙣𝙮𝙤𝙣𝙚?

A few days ago, I created a post that read, “A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset,” but I couldn’t post it—I didn’t have it in me. Adding to the toxic positivity already splashed across social media felt fraudulent.

𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝙄 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙩—𝙩𝙝𝙚 “𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙨𝙚𝙩” 𝙦𝙪𝙤𝙩𝙚. 𝙄𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

Last night I told myself I was done feeling this way. I was going to wake up with a more positive outlook, and poof…the fog lifted.

𝙒𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙣𝙤, 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙚𝙭𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙡𝙮…

I do feel better today, and I have been thinking about why. The obvious is that two days ago, I traded the dark, rainy days of the Pacific Northwest for the sunshine of the Sonoran desert in Arizona. But after much consideration this morning, I think there is a more compelling reason.

𝙄 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙. 𝙄 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬—𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙.

As a recovering “avoider” and a lifelong “stuffer,” —sometimes it’s still hard to share with anyone, let alone my husband when I am not feeling so great, especially after he planned this little getaway to the sun for us.

𝙄 𝙙𝙞𝙙 𝙨𝙝𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙙.

And somewhere in the “I don’t know why I am feeling this way conversation,” I was able to unlock the floodgates.

Saguaro Cacti

My angst spilled into the dry river bed, which hugged our hiking trail as we wound through the saguaro cacti and the prickly pears. I left it in the dust, both literally and figuratively.

𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙙.
𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙣.
𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙩 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙙𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙.

And today, as I sipped coffee as the sun rose over the Sonoran foothills, I felt more at ease. I realize all my challenges can’t be washed away in a day, but I sure felt lighter as I watched the sun spread its vitamin D across the valley.

If you’re feeling this way, I encourage you to reach out and ‘𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙.’ Sometimes just knowing we aren’t alone makes all the difference.

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