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#midlifeblogger

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Lisa Speers pondering her intentions for next year…

โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐•จ๐•– ๐•“๐•– ๐••๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•– ๐•จ๐•š๐•ฅ๐•™ โ„•๐•–๐•จ ๐•๐•–๐•’๐•ฃโ€™๐•ค โ„๐•–๐•ค๐• ๐•๐•ฆ๐•ฅ๐•š๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•ค ๐•’๐•๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐••๐•ช?

How many years have I set New Yearโ€™s Resolutions only to start berating myself a few weeks later for my lack of follow-through?

Sadly, too many years to count.

So a couple of years ago, I decided there had to be a better way. I started channeling โ€œmy inner-Dr. Philโ€ and asking myself, โ€œ๐™ƒ๐™ค๐™ฌโ€™๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™ฎ๐™–?โ€

Well, year after year, New Yearโ€™s Resolutions have not worked for meโ€”zero, nada, end of story.

Apparently, Iโ€™m not alone.

According to one study, only 9% of those who set New Yearโ€™s Resolutions successfully keep them for a full year.

With those odds, itโ€™s crazy that millions of us keep making themโ€”let alone consider the fact that the majority quit within the first month.

๐—ฆ๐—ผ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐˜†. ๐——๐—ผ. ๐—ช๐—ฒ. ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜. ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ?

Hope, ๐™„ ๐™œ๐™ช๐™š๐™จ๐™จ??

Thank goodness there is always hope, as it is a promise of better times ahead. Unfortunately, hope alone wonโ€™t get us where we want to go.

So what does work?

Well, of course, itโ€™s different for everyone, but here are 10 intentions that have been working for me, so I plan to carry them into next year.

Optimistic about the year to come

1) Graceโ€”Giving myself grace with the understanding that we are all on a journey, and at 50-something, some things are going to take time to unravel.

2) Presenceโ€”Making a daily intention to remain connected and to be present with my spouse, away-from-home kids, and the most important people in my life.

3) Authenticityโ€”To stop playing small. We are all unique and have something special to offer this world. It is a gift from our creator to find out what it is and how it might serve others.

3) Permissionโ€”Continuing to give myself permission to focus on my physical, mental and spiritual well-being. If youโ€™re like me and you havenโ€™t been doing thisโ€”itโ€™s time to put yourself on the list.

4) Consistencyโ€”this was my word for 2022. I put it as a weekly reminder on my calendar, encouraging me to keep going with what was serving me and let go of what was not. It has served me well; I plan to keep it for 2023.

5) Failure is not a 4-letter wordโ€”I have always learned more from what hasnโ€™t worked for me than what has. So, now I welcome these sometimes painful lessons because theyโ€™re like a compass pointing me toward a better, more well-suited path.

6) Lifelong learningโ€”Embracing the idea that itโ€™s okay not to know how to do somethingโ€ฆYET.

7) Listening to myselfโ€”Honoring my needs and giving myself permission to rest, go on an adventure, and simply be more in tune with what I need in the moment.

9) Awarenessโ€”Being keenly aware of the positive and negative messages I tell myself. Can we be done with negative self-talk once and for all? It has never served anyone. If this speaks to you, I pray you will leave behind all the negative messages youโ€™ve been telling yourself.

10) Remember to have funโ€”Let’s do more things that bring joy to our lives and find reasons to laugh until our faces hurt. ๐˜ฝ๐™š๐™ฌ๐™–๐™ง๐™š: Joy is infectious and spreads easilyโ€”no mask required!

๐Ÿฅณ ๐™’๐™ž๐™จ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™– ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฌ ๐™ฎ๐™š๐™–๐™ง ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ช๐™ง๐™œ๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™™๐™ค ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ง๐™š ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฌ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™ฅ๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ค๐™›๐™› ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™– ๐™ข๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™™๐™ž๐™›๐™›๐™š๐™ง๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™จ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง๐™–๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™œ๐™ค ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ค๐™จ๐™š ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™ง๐™ฉ๐™จ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™ก๐™ž๐™›๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™ฃ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™š๐™ง ๐™จ๐™š๐™ง๐™ซ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช.

-๐™’๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™ข๐™ช๐™˜๐™ ๐™–๐™™๐™ข๐™ž๐™ง๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ, ๐Ÿ’—๐™‡๐™ž๐™จ๐™– ๐™Ž๐™ฅ๐™š๐™š๐™ง๐™จ

*๐™’๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™–๐™™๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฉ? ๐™‹๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™š ๐™จ๐™๐™–๐™ง๐™šโ€”๐™„ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ.

๐ŸŽŠ Starting off the year with an introductionโ€”I have sprinkled this page with bits and pieces about my marriageโ›ช, family, and myself this last year, but I have never made a bona fide introduction as the creator behind The Evolving Nest. 

Thank you so much for following along! I’m Lisa.โœ‹ I grew up in the days when no one locked their doors and our parents had no idea where we were all day.โ€œJust be home by dinner,โ€ my mom would say. I went to middle, high school, and college all in the โ€˜80sโ€”graduating from the University of Oregon in 1990. (If you’re a GenโŒer yourself, this alone tells you a lot about me.) 

I am 53 and met my best friend and husband of almost 30 years in college.๐Ÿ’˜ We have three grown kidsโ€”25๐Ÿ‘ฆ, 21๐Ÿ‘ฆ, and 18๐Ÿ‘งโ€”two are in college, and one is working hard. Our oldest has autism๐Ÿงฉ; he’s super independent and has the best disposition in the universe. 

Aside from my familyโ€”I love sugar-free vanilla lattesโ˜•, travel adventures๐ŸŒด, lying on the couch with my hubby binge-watching the latest, Jesus, coffee with friends/Girls Weekends, visiting our kids at college, listening to books ๐Ÿ“˜ while I walk, and connecting with other creators online. My guilty pleasures are eating nacho cheese sauce๐Ÿง€ and sneaking mini-Reeses cups.

I started The Evolving Nest when our youngest was a junior in high school. (๐Ÿ’กIf you are nearing empty-nesting, and are thinking about a new venture, I highly recommend beginning something before your youngest leaves the nest.) Yes, it can be scary to try something new. I still find it hard to put myself out there at times, but rewards have been innumerable.๐Ÿ†

The Evolving Nest is all about discovering YOU ๐Ÿ’Ÿ. For many of us, it’s more about REDISCOVERING ourselves AGAIN. It certainly was for me, with some nuances that surprised me along the way. 

Our lives are made up of many chapters ๐Ÿ“•, and at midlife, we still have exciting adventures to write about. The Evolving Nest is just a catchy way to ask, “What’s next?”

What is your Part Twoโ“   

This page initially started as a blog to share marriage stories from a variety of perspectives but it has grown and changed over time. (Just like us.๐Ÿ˜‰) I still plan to share stories but also much more about making the most of the years ahead, adventures in empty-nesting, and so much more.

Iโ€™ll share tips from my own thirty years of marriage, as well as advice from experts on moving toward your passion, having fun empty-nesting, and keeping the passion alive and well in your marriage.

I hope this page inspires๐Ÿ’ซ you to better understand yourself, your partner ๐Ÿฅฐ, and what energizes๐Ÿ’ฅ you to get out of bed each morning. 

Thank you again for joining me on this journey, lisa@evolvingnestwithlisa.com

* I’d love to hear your thoughts about marriage, midlife, and empty-nesting. Please don’t hesitate to reach out, and if you’re a writer or aspiring to be one, I’d love to consider sharing your story on The Evolving Nestโ€”Empty Nesting & More.

Original Source of Quote Unknown

I saw a post by Simon Holland, writer and comic, this morning on social media that said:

“๐—œ๐˜’๐˜€ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ฝ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด,”๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜„๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐—ณ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜€๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ธ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐˜ ๐—ฑ๐—ฎ๐˜† ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—บ๐—ฝ๐˜€.”

And I immediately shared it with my husband and close friends as that is exactly, me. Here, in the Willamette Valley of Oregon, we haven’t seen measurable rainfall since spring.

So the forecast alerting us to over an inch of rain this weekend, along with lower temperatures, is being met with enthusiastic hoorays from everyone.

Personally, my โ€˜Harvest Decorโ€™ has been up since a few days before September (don’t judge), as it hallmarks the “cozy” time of yearโ€”and I just couldn’t wait.

But, when I really think about the symbolism of what “Autumn” represents, I’m definitely not the first to dive in and accept that this new season is upon us.

Over 20 years ago, Christian recording artist, Nichole Nordeman, wrote the song “Every Season,” in which she describes the physical, metaphorical, and spiritual purpose of each season of life.

It has become a sort of anthem for me, recognizing that God is with me, no matter where I’m at in life. The song begins with a vibrant description of summerโ€”when life is full and abundant.

Sure, it may seem overcrowded with busyness at times, so there is not a lot of time for reflectionโ€”just going, going, going. Having gone through the struggles of many winters of life, “Summer” is where I long to set up camp to create and savor every memory I can make.

But now, I find this verse of the song resonating most:

“And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still, I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder wind
I will offer thanks for what has been and what’s to come
You are autumn.”

You see, I’m one of those people who does not like to embrace “change.” I love tradition, routine, and yes, I’ll admit itโ€”control.

CHANGE messes with all of that.

So, for longer than I care to admit, I thought I could beat CHANGE at its own game by preparing for it. I would imagine what a life would look like when my son and daughter eventually launched from our nest. I would ponder the traditions and holidays and how that might be obliterated because of their absence. I would say farewell in my mind to the precious ongoing memories that we make together, as our family unit of four reduces to just two.

As you can imagine (and perhaps even relate to), this line of thinking wrecked me. And not only that, because I had tried to get such a head start in preparing for CHANGE, it was destructive to the moments I had in those final years where we were all together. Instead of embracing those moments, I was fretting over how those moments might be my last.

I remember the first time I watched a parade with my mom and saw those strange flaps next to the eyes of the beautiful Clydesdale draft horses. As she’s the expert in all things equine, I knew she’d have an answer. She explained they are called “Blinkers” and blind the horse from seeing anything to the rear and peripherally. They are used to prevent the horse from being distracted or spooked, especially on crowded city streets.

I’ve thought a lot about those little leather patches, as I believe that has been what God has gently been attempting to use on me, “blinders” to keep my focus on the present. He’s been nudging for this all along.

Still, perhaps the introduction of Covid, forest fires, and a further dividing climate in our country has forced me to accept this perspective or risk plummeting fully into a life of constant anxiety and worry. Instead of using my imaginary telescope to zoom in on what might be furthest on the horizon, God has instead said, “Focus right here, Steph, I don’t want you to miss what I do TODAY.”

He’s also encouraged me to find joy in all the memories and traditions of the past, but not mandate they be part of the blueprints of the future. As the Ultimate Architect, He may actually have something so much better.

Another quote I love is, “Autumn teaches us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

Again, I’ve loved this statement because fall brings out all the “feels” for me. I ooh and ahh at every notice of vibrance in the changing colors and eagerly anticipate the first frost and opportunity to wear a sweater. However, it has been uncomfortable to attempt to unpack that sentiment and apply it to my life.

Now, I am finally recognizing its truth. CHANGE can actually be beautiful.

In my own life, it dug up lost dreams and passions that had been set aside because my family came first. I was offered a position to take over a third-grade classroom, and it was like a part of my soul emerged from its dormant cocoon. It was scary, exhilarating, and so far beyond what I believed I was capable of doing or any plan I might have construedโ€”it ended up feeling like I had been made for just that position.

Likewise, my husband’s career transformed, offering more travel and responsibilities that ideally fit his personality but weren’t what was best for our family for two decades.

Trust me, as I share all of this, I still fail to keep this perspective on a daily basis. I’m constantly batting and pulling down those “blinkers” to see what others are doing at this stage of life or dwell in the concerns I have for what lies in the future.

But more importantly, I am starting to see the beauty in my own “Autumn” of life and perhaps the brilliance that comes from โ€˜changeโ€™ too.

Wild Horses by Pixels

“Are we going to see the wild horses?” my not-yet-college-bound, have-to-be-dragged-everywhere, youngest asked. “You promised.”

We were on a college visit trip with her older brother.  5 colleges in 5 days.

The drive to see these mythical creatures on an exotic island was about an hour out of the way and I was exhausted from tours about professors/safety/dorms and hotel rooms with weird smells/bad breakfasts/non-working hot tubs.

But my memory of the picture on the cover of the book, Misty of Chincoteague, a beautiful wild horse, and her foal, drew me in and convinced me to keep said promise.

As we pulled into the park and made our way to the restrooms before embarking on our glorious, out-of-the-way adventure, signs warned not to feed the horses as they may bite and to ensure our safety by staying 40-feet away. This was exciting!

Bladders empty, we were ready!  We couldn’t wait to see these wild creatures, prancing in the sand dunes and uttering high-pitched neighs.

What happened next was stranger than strange.

We rounded the corner and there was a horse, in the middle of the parking lot.  Not prancing. Not neighing. Standing. Still. So still, we thought it might be a taxidermist’s latest “stuffing” project.

We got out. Walked around it. It did NOT move. Just stood there. We did see it take a breath, so we surmised it was alive and didn’t belong at the local Cabela’s.

The “wild horse ” in the parking lot

We had so hoped to happen upon a wild, prancing, neighing horse, enjoying the sands of Virginia beaches and its ability to roam FREE.

But what we found was more like a TAMED mule ready to plow the fields under the guise of some master who needed to get things done.

As we ventured on the park pathways, we saw a few more horse/mules milling around, and I can assure you that we were not scared, or excited, not even one little bit.

We got back in our cars and my mom thoughts took off into those mom places only they can go.

Are these horses like my kids?

Longing for adventure, FREEDOM, and curiosity to discover, hope, and dream?

But standing around, TAMED, bored, and controlled because of how me, as a mom, and society, as a whole, has directed them?

Don’t bite.
Stand still.
Be quiet.

Don’t stand up for yourself (your true self). Fit in.
Do what everyone else is doing. Stay in the box.
Control yourself at all costs.ย  Never color outside of the lines.

College visits.
What everyone else did.
What we were supposed to do.

Over the next days, I kept coming back and back to my thoughts and these horse-mules and my kids.

I did not want them to be mules.  I wanted them to be horses.  WILD ONES.  Not TAMED into submission to some arbitrary set of rules that who knows who made up.

I wanted them to be FREE.  To discover, hope and dream.

I talked and talked and talked to them about it.  And then talked some more.

Guess what happened?

My college-bound son said, “NOPE.”
He decided to take a gap year.
He enjoyed the end of his senior year without the pressure of choosing.
He never went to any of those 5 we had visited on that trip.
He discovered a school that made his heart happy.
FREEDOM.

My baby watched him intently.
She spent an extra year with him, the two of them becoming the best of friends.
When it was her turn, she chose an out-of-the-box school where she could get her Bachelor’s degree in two years. Two long, hard years.
She moved to California at 19 to pursue her dreams, graduation behind her.
She wants to win an Emmy.
FREEDOM.

Guess what else happened?

I began to wonder the same thing about me.

Do I have the FREEDOM to discover, hope, and dream?

As a middle-aged, regular, mom who has always played by the rules?

Who didn’t bite, stood still, and was quiet?

The answer:  YES.  YES, I DO.

I might stand up for myself.
What if I forge my own way?
Maybe I will even draw my own lines to color inside.
We’ll see how it all plays out.
It’s going to be good.
FREEDOM.

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