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#midlifemom

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Lisa Speers pondering her intentions for next year…

โ„‚๐•’๐•Ÿ ๐•จ๐•– ๐•“๐•– ๐••๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•– ๐•จ๐•š๐•ฅ๐•™ โ„•๐•–๐•จ ๐•๐•–๐•’๐•ฃโ€™๐•ค โ„๐•–๐•ค๐• ๐•๐•ฆ๐•ฅ๐•š๐• ๐•Ÿ๐•ค ๐•’๐•๐•ฃ๐•–๐•’๐••๐•ช?

How many years have I set New Yearโ€™s Resolutions only to start berating myself a few weeks later for my lack of follow-through?

Sadly, too many years to count.

So a couple of years ago, I decided there had to be a better way. I started channeling โ€œmy inner-Dr. Philโ€ and asking myself, โ€œ๐™ƒ๐™ค๐™ฌโ€™๐™จ ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ง๐™ ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™ฎ๐™–?โ€

Well, year after year, New Yearโ€™s Resolutions have not worked for meโ€”zero, nada, end of story.

Apparently, Iโ€™m not alone.

According to one study, only 9% of those who set New Yearโ€™s Resolutions successfully keep them for a full year.

With those odds, itโ€™s crazy that millions of us keep making themโ€”let alone consider the fact that the majority quit within the first month.

๐—ฆ๐—ผ. ๐—ช๐—ต๐˜†. ๐——๐—ผ. ๐—ช๐—ฒ. ๐—ฆ๐—ฒ๐˜. ๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—บ?

Hope, ๐™„ ๐™œ๐™ช๐™š๐™จ๐™จ??

Thank goodness there is always hope, as it is a promise of better times ahead. Unfortunately, hope alone wonโ€™t get us where we want to go.

So what does work?

Well, of course, itโ€™s different for everyone, but here are 10 intentions that have been working for me, so I plan to carry them into next year.

Optimistic about the year to come

1) Graceโ€”Giving myself grace with the understanding that we are all on a journey, and at 50-something, some things are going to take time to unravel.

2) Presenceโ€”Making a daily intention to remain connected and to be present with my spouse, away-from-home kids, and the most important people in my life.

3) Authenticityโ€”To stop playing small. We are all unique and have something special to offer this world. It is a gift from our creator to find out what it is and how it might serve others.

3) Permissionโ€”Continuing to give myself permission to focus on my physical, mental and spiritual well-being. If youโ€™re like me and you havenโ€™t been doing thisโ€”itโ€™s time to put yourself on the list.

4) Consistencyโ€”this was my word for 2022. I put it as a weekly reminder on my calendar, encouraging me to keep going with what was serving me and let go of what was not. It has served me well; I plan to keep it for 2023.

5) Failure is not a 4-letter wordโ€”I have always learned more from what hasnโ€™t worked for me than what has. So, now I welcome these sometimes painful lessons because theyโ€™re like a compass pointing me toward a better, more well-suited path.

6) Lifelong learningโ€”Embracing the idea that itโ€™s okay not to know how to do somethingโ€ฆYET.

7) Listening to myselfโ€”Honoring my needs and giving myself permission to rest, go on an adventure, and simply be more in tune with what I need in the moment.

9) Awarenessโ€”Being keenly aware of the positive and negative messages I tell myself. Can we be done with negative self-talk once and for all? It has never served anyone. If this speaks to you, I pray you will leave behind all the negative messages youโ€™ve been telling yourself.

10) Remember to have funโ€”Let’s do more things that bring joy to our lives and find reasons to laugh until our faces hurt. ๐˜ฝ๐™š๐™ฌ๐™–๐™ง๐™š: Joy is infectious and spreads easilyโ€”no mask required!

๐Ÿฅณ ๐™’๐™ž๐™จ๐™๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™– ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™ฌ ๐™ฎ๐™š๐™–๐™ง ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ช๐™ง๐™œ๐™š๐™จ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™™๐™ค ๐™ข๐™ค๐™ง๐™š ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฌ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™๐™–๐™ซ๐™š ๐™—๐™š๐™š๐™ฃ ๐™ฅ๐™ช๐™ฉ๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ค๐™›๐™› ๐™›๐™ค๐™ง ๐™– ๐™ข๐™ž๐™ก๐™ก๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ ๐™™๐™ž๐™›๐™›๐™š๐™ง๐™š๐™ฃ๐™ฉ ๐™ง๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™จ ๐™–๐™ฃ๐™™ ๐™š๐™ฃ๐™˜๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง๐™–๐™œ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™š๐™ฉ ๐™œ๐™ค ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ค๐™จ๐™š ๐™ฅ๐™–๐™ง๐™ฉ๐™จ ๐™ค๐™› ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ง ๐™ก๐™ž๐™›๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™–๐™ง๐™š ๐™ฃ๐™ค ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ฃ๐™œ๐™š๐™ง ๐™จ๐™š๐™ง๐™ซ๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™œ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช.

-๐™’๐™ž๐™ฉ๐™ ๐™ข๐™ช๐™˜๐™ ๐™–๐™™๐™ข๐™ž๐™ง๐™–๐™ฉ๐™ž๐™ค๐™ฃ, ๐Ÿ’—๐™‡๐™ž๐™จ๐™– ๐™Ž๐™ฅ๐™š๐™š๐™ง๐™จ

*๐™’๐™๐™–๐™ฉ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ฎ๐™ค๐™ช ๐™–๐™™๐™™ ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ฉ๐™๐™ž๐™จ ๐™ก๐™ž๐™จ๐™ฉ? ๐™‹๐™ก๐™š๐™–๐™จ๐™š ๐™จ๐™๐™–๐™ง๐™šโ€”๐™„ ๐™ฌ๐™ค๐™ช๐™ก๐™™ ๐™ก๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š ๐™ฉ๐™ค ๐™ ๐™ฃ๐™ค๐™ฌ.

Photo Credit Canva

Recently, I realized Iโ€™ve done a lot of traveling with my young adult children. However, Iโ€™m not referring to family vacations or even the multiple trips back and forth to their current homes. The traveling I am invited to occurs via phone calls initiated by my big kids as they go about errands and work on homework.

Sometimes, I go to Target and virtually keep them company as they shop for items. Once in a while, I accompany them on a drive-through line to their favorite fast food restaurant.

Other times, I walk with them back from class to the dorm. There is no agenda outside of simply connecting and listening. And then, there are moments when I am put on speaker mode, and I sit in silence while homework is worked on. The reason? To simply sit in their presence.

These moments could easily be perceived as inconvenient and mundane. Truthfully, the calls sometimes interrupt my agenda. However, it is a blessing when your big kid initiates the connection. It is something I never want to take for granted.

I wish we could have done more traveling together on vacations when my kids were young. Yet, traveling together and building bonding moments can look like a lot of things. I am learning to be thankful for all of them.

Two birds in nest

Shortly after saying a tearful goodbye to our daughter on a campus far away, her older brother decided to join my husband and me for a few days of golf, paddle boarding, and relaxing at our cabin in the mountains.

As parents, these are the moments we breathe into with gratitudeโ€”when time blesses our hearts.

Soon he will be headed off to school as well, but thankfully at a college less than an hour away. He is close enough to golf 9-holes with us in an afternoon, then grab a bite together, and still make it back to campus in time to hang with his friends for the evening.

As our adult children spread their wings, many parents, like us, are finding unique ways to stay connected with their kids.

Our oldest son, who has autism, has chosen to continue to live with us, and we feel truly blessed. We’ve turned the upstairs into “his apartment.” When we are all home, he comes downstairs to tells us “he loves us,” and heads back up to his sanctuary. Fortunately, he’s very independent and loves his daily routine of work and activities, which keeps him fulfilled and engaged.

I saved the best of our ‘๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ต’ for lastโ€”my husband.

We. Are. Still. Here. Together.

We built this nest, and we are looking at this next phase as an exciting opportunityโ€”rather than an empty one. We have been intentional about what we would like the next few years to look like, and are excited to experience this new chapter as it unfolds.

We are looking forward to more spontaneous outings, dinner with friends, and a renewed intimacy. We also know, just as we become accustomed to living with two fewer bodies in the house, the holidays will be upon us, and we’ll all be together again.

And isn’t that what is really important? It doesn’t matter if we are all ‘home’ in the same nest or not. We are a family because of our love for each other and because we choose to stay connected no matter where we all live. And that is the kind of nest that will never be empty.

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