*Note to Reader: This article is Part 2 of 2- Click, The Truth: How Do Affairs Begin to read Part 1
After working with many women and men who’ve had affairs, I have found a common thread that runs throughout their stories…they all had a need that was not being met by their spouse, typically over a long period of time, and it felt good to finally feel fulfilled.
In my experience, maintaining intimacy, both physical or emotional, has been one of the primary needs lacking with couples, and ultimately leaves one or both partners vulnerable to an affair.
Most experts agree, intimacy is not only important, it is essential. Intimacy plays a major role in a person’s emotional connection with their partner.
So, identifying both your partner’s primary needs and your needs will help you both develop a habit of meeting each other’s needs, and that is where my 5 steps come in. They are designed to give you the opportunity to discover each other’s needs and communicate how to fulfill them.
I also recommend reading the book His needs Her needs by Dr. Willard J. Harley and The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. When either spouse’s needs go unmet, over time, it can leave that spouse venerable to the deception of infidelity.
Here is a list of suggestions you can implement to protect your marriage. They will act as a barrier between your marriage and infidelity.
5 Ways to affair-proof your marriage
- Communication– Open and honest communication with your partner is an important step in establishing an intimate connection. I recommend setting a goal of spending at least 30 minutes every day, in uninterrupted conversation, with your spouse. Share your struggles and your victories. This will set the atmosphere for intimacy and create a sense of “I’m valued” and you matter to each other.
2. Keep the intimate details of your marriage personal- Don’t confide in the opposite sex about personal struggles in the marriage or even your life in general. This part of your heart should be shared with only your spouse. This will foster friendship, intimacy, and trust.
3. Recognize when you’re starting to have negative thoughts- Don’t let negative self talk about your spouse ruin how you feel about them. Realize he or she isn’t perfect, and mistakes will be made. Allow room for error, and offer mercy and grace when your feelings get hurt. Don’t hold unforgiveness against them—have tools and resources in place to move forward quickly.
4. Date night– It’s important to have time for just the two of you. Try to plan a date night at least twice a month and use this time to reconnect with each other.
5. Keep watch– Keep watch over your heart. If at any time you feel like you are drawn to someone, then ask yourself what you are missing at home? If you’re feeling you have needs that are no longer being met by your spouse, please talk to your spouse about what’s missing in your relationship. Sometimes couples need a marriage therapist to facilitate this. Do not hesitate to find a licensed marriage therapist in your area.
Infidelity is an enemy of marriage, and its only goal is to destroy. It not only harms the marriage but the individuals as well. The good news is that it does not have to wreak havoc in a couple’s life forever—my husband and I are living proof that couples can heal from infidelity.
There is a process of healing, and for committed couples, it works and brings them freedom from the consequences of infidelity.
To find more about healing from infidelity, go to https://womenwithscarsaffairrecovery.com and connect with Stacey Chenevert
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*Information contained in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a mental health professional. Please note, The Evolving Nest and Women with Scars Affair Recover do not have an affiliate marketing relationship.
My name is Stacey Chenevert and I’m a relationship coach specializing in Affair Recovery. I’m also the founder of Women with Scars Affair Recovery. https://womenwithscarsaffairrecovery.com Eight years ago I had an affair and it nearly destroyed my life and my marriage. So trust me when I say I know what it is like to suffer in silence, wondering if you’ll ever be able to get over the affair and save your marriage. Looking back now, I can say that the journey to recovery was hard but it was worth the fight. My marriage is fully healed and we thank God for the wisdom he gave us. Now my heart and my mission are to help other women who’ve had an affair find healing for themselves and their marriages without the fear of judgment, as they learn to live beyond the affair.